My world is a place that I keep in my heart and soul and never let it out. I don't think there is a person who knows the real me and this is my way of letting it out.
I love to read a good book and alot of times I see myself as one of the character in the books I read. Its never the main character it always the one that is miss understood and doesn't have all the friends and love. Kind of like my life.
Don't get me wrong I love my friends and family but they never understand the things that I do.
I'm in love with my husband who is at this point in time where I couldn't tell you and that is the reality of our relationship. He loves me but showing that love is difficult. He has an amazing kind heart that I've never seen. But when it comes to me and his family he doesn't know or is not capable of showing it. He shows more kindness to strangers then he does to us. We have been separated for two years now and the heart break is palpable. I see him every once in a while when I can take the heart break of leaving him again. My heart belongs to him and he knows it. Maybe that is why he does the things that he does cause he knows that he can get away with it.
He finally came clean with everything that he has done to me and it broke my heart because he acctually thinks that it will make a difference in my animosity towards him... I think that it just made things worse because of the lies. I would rather have stayed in the dark.
He called last night and I ignored the call do to my heart. It soars when I see that he is calling and I know that he will only get mad at me for things that he did. I can't take the blame any more.
Other then that my life is pretty simple, i work and pay my bills. I help take care of my neices for my brother who with enough prayers and God willing he will get custody of them where they will have a safe and happy childhood even though they are thirteen and twelve. Almost grown but they have never really had a normal childhood and I hope that it's not too late for them.
I will write some more tomorrow when I feel you have taken a break.
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